caffeine quitting journal

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Jan 12, 2019
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I'm going to attempt to quit caffeine and go thirty days after with 0 caffeine at all (except the negligible amount in decaf coffee/tea) and I'm going to write it here to motivate myself and so I can look back and get mad at myself for wanting to screw up my progress.

Why I'm Quitting Caffeine:
  • I have anxiety and PTSD
  • I have motivation problems probably related to the above
  • the quality of my sleep is absolutely shit and I do paranormal activity all night apparently
  • everything is annoying
  • caffeine (or perhaps the dehydration it causes) is aging
  • energy drinks are like $3 bucks each and if I have ONE every day that's $42 per pay on energy drinks
Why it will be a struggle:
  • everything is annoying
  • I have motivation problems
  • stopping at the gas station for an energy drink is one of those buffer rituals where even though I'm not necessarily procrastinating, because I still get to work on time, it's a thing I put "in front of" work to mentally prepare myself for work
  • geek caffeine culture
  • oral fixation but I'm smart enough to not boredom-eat
  • I like the weird, bitter taste of energy drinks and kombucha, but soda is too sweet
  • matcha lattes
  • when you go to something where you need something to do with your hands and you're cold and the only options are cold water and coffee that's not really specified decaf or not
  • preworkout T I N G L E makes workouts suck less
  • I want to like loose-leaf tea so badly but the water at work isn't hot enough
  • sometimes it's a form of self-harm...hard to explain unless you've been there
(Fuckign shit -- anxiety, kombucha, lattes, fitness, and loose leaf tea...I sound like such a fucking yipster)
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Today I had 2 Monsters (2 x 140mg = 280mg) and a cup of decaf coffee (5mg). Yesterday was the same plus a bottle of Kombucha (76mg).

I bought 1 Monster for tomorrow and that's all I plan to have, but I may have 1-2 cups of decaf coffee

Friday, I plan to have 1 cup of regular coffee (140 mg) and 1-2 cups of decaf

I should find a way to bring water with me because I suspect when I'm "craving" an energy drink/kombucha, I'm really just craving ANY liquid at all
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Yesterday I didn't do as well as I thought I'd do and I had 1 Monster (140mg), 1 KickStart (90mg), and a cup of decaf (5mg) for a total of 235mg

Today I had 1 Monster and a cup of decaf. Total: 145mg. I drank 3 glasses of water instead of 1 though. That's probably good.

I ran out of kratom yesterday and bought some more of that because I want to quit that too, but let's only withdraw from one thing at a time
p l e a s e


I can't tell if I'm experiencing caffeine withdraw yet or not. I was really warm today and I had random pains that came and went in various places, but mostly my ribs and hands. Usually, I'm cold at work with a hoodie and a heater, but I ended up shutting off the heater and taking the hoodie off. Yesterday, I was extra annoyed but today, nothing was any more annoying than usual. My attention span bonked out around 2:30 yesterday but I managed to keep it together today. If anything, you'd think I'd be more annoyed/ADD today because yesterday I set myself up to drink some go juice in the afternoon.
 
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Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Saturday: 1 Monster (140mg)

Sunday: 1 KickStart (90mg)

Monday: 1 KickStart, 2 decaf coffees (100mg). Was really tempted to pick up a Monster after work but I kept on driving.

I need to go spend a week in the woods meditating or something. The caffeine fills the void that commuting to and from work digs out of me
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Tuesday: 1 Monster, 2 decaf coffees = 150 mg

Wednesday: 1 Monster, decaf coffee = 145 mg

The plan for tomorrow is to go to work and try to "survive" with kratom and decaf coffee
 
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Location
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I lied again, though not as badly. I bought a died Mt Dew, forgetting the whole thing has 91mg of caffeine, which is curiously, the same as a can of KickStart. The latter is marketed as a mild energy drink and the former is Mt Dew. I drank half Saturday and half Sunday for a total of ~45mg both days.
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Monday:
2-3 cups of decaf for 10-15 mg total. I felt just okay but it was hard to focus.

Tuesday:
I forget how much but it was probably about as much as Monday. I felt a little better and was fairly productive.

Wednesday:
I could hardly keep my eyes open during the day, so I picked up a Monster (140 mg) on the way home from work. On one hand, I energetically ran my after-work errands without lingering or being irritated about it, then I was productive at home. On the other hand, I felt agitated, like I was on the verge of a panic attack, and didn't feel tired and stayed up an hour after my bedtime. It was uncomfortable and I don't wish to repeat it

Today:
2 cups of decaf. I didn't feel any particular way but easily-distracted here and there.
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Friday: 2 cups of decaf, and I was a bad bean and got a Monster on the way home. It didn’t affect me as negatively as the first time because I went home and did a bunch of homework and cooked.

Today: nothing. I have Caffix at home which is a grain-based, caffeine free coffee substitute. I should take it to work. Vibe-wise: it was hard to focus all day and i didn’t get shit done
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Sunday: no caffeine whatsoever. Procrastination was high

Today: Had a Monster this morning. I sort of regret it because I was feeling sort of good beforehand and didn't feel substantially more energized after, but I had fuck all for an attention span. Ran out of Kratom and my s/o has been making fun of me, saying "myyy presssciousss" like Gollum every time I drink some, and I'm waiting to get paid so I didn't get more. I'm bout to kiss my attention span and control of my anxiety goodbye right now. I posted a meme about this but tomorrow I'll be finally raw-doggin reality. Yay. Travesty waiting to happen.
 
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Location
United States
Since the last time I posted, I'm definitely off and on but I definitely feel better without caffeine. If I don't have anything to exert it on, I get jittery then go home and can't sleep, then not want to wake up the next morning. Then if I go without it for two days, the first day I'm grumpy, then the second I go back to being fairly clear-headed and not so spread-thin. I need to go a solid 30 days without any though.
 
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