ScribeMeister's Scribbles

Sky Reed

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 1, 2019
Location
Under Your Bed
FRINGE
2082


I think this is the right time to let you go. I'm only making it harder on myself holding on to you. I am like a loose thread on the tail end of your shirt, I keep hanging on. Not wanting to let go. Because I firmly believe I am a part of you, that I am needed. But in truth, I am just a loose thread, that maybe when you see me, or if you think it is best to get rid of me because my sight is unwarranted, unneeded, it would be best that you pull me off and cut all ties. It would be painful I know. To be severed from something or someone that you have been part of all your life. You cling on as best as you could. As if your life depended on it, your existence, the continuous meaning of your life hangs on the very nature of your hanging in there, being inconspicuous so that you won't be pulled out.

An unwanted part of a whole. You were a fiber of that whole. Without you, I don't think this whole shirt will be complete. Even if you are just a thread, that holds a part of the hem of a shirt that she wore, you are that thread. But your wearer didn't feel the need any more of your assistance, you no longer played a vital role in her shirt, you are now just a nuisance. That she would rather pull you out, cut you out.

Maybe she would get the shirt repaired, or maybe she would throw the whole shirt away since it is not the same anymore. It is ruined, like your existence, you were not only discarded but also cut off, pulled off, the wearer had decided that pulling you out is the only option. Meaning, you are nothing but just an option, just a part of a whole that is no longer needed. Sad, isn't? You used to be very important, you used to be an integral part of her favorite shirt, that she wouldn't want to lose you, the same way she wouldn't want to lose you from her life. She held on for a little while, like meeting you for the first time, she was giddy with excitement, she always want to touch you, feel you. But lately, she hasn't been wearing that shirt that you were part of. She found something new, or she bought something new, and she has a new favorite. It's hard. It is going to be hard. But I guessed you have to get used to it. Like life, nothing last forever, it lasts for a long time, that some people think it does seem to last like a lifetime. But it only felt that way but in truth, it never was meant to last this long. You just got a free card, that you gained an extra day. But once she found someone new, or something or someone she discovered she would rather wear, than you. You will be nothing but a fringe. A loose thread that soon will be discarded or thrown away. Ces't la vie, mon Cherie. Nothing last forever.
 

Sky Reed

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 1, 2019
Location
Under Your Bed
Time Forgets
2083

There's a place inside of me that still aches. For whatever reason I cannot tell, it's just painful and no matter how I try to ignore it, there is no amount of distraction that can pull me away from it. It is not physical pain and yet it's crippling, it's disabling my entire being. And suddenly for no apparent reason, I would just cry. Tears would start pouring down my face and I would just wail like I had been struck with a blade and it's killing me. Only to realize that's pain is called heartache.

They say it will get better. They say after a while it would get easier. But for how long am I going to be this way? One year, two years, three years, a decade, a millennium? Would I be able to be move on? Get better? For me I consider it as dying. I just died. And I cannot live again. Like a cat I had wasted all of my nine lives. Like a vampire, I had outlived my forever. Like a human, I just fade away from natural causes. I wish the reason is simple as that, so I can give meaning to my death. And not this empty feeling inside of me, and not this painful hurt that is the reason for my demise. I am just gone, how sad is that? And the reason for my dying is saying that she is in more pain than I do. How can be that be possible, right? When she caused this, when she inflicted this to the one person she swore with her life she loved? How can you swear with your life and strike down the only person you said means more to you than life itself? How can you say that you love me, and then hurt me like I mean nothing to you?

You're in pain? And you don't want me to move on? Why? Because you are jealous because I am trying to resurrect the me that you abandoned? I wish I can say that I will be better now. I wish I can say I can reinvent myself again and forget you. But what if I don't want to? What if the person I hate the most now is still the person I love the most? I bet that would make you extremely happy that you turned me this way. That you got this hold on me I am merely just a puppet for your own manipulation. Ironic word, manipulation, I had been called that and a number of other nasty names to justify to your friends I am this monster that hurt you. Does this made you into a better person or just one lying, stupid bitch that you are so you can say you are nothing but a helpless, poor victim. And this coming from a person that says she loves me. How very sad is that? How come I never realized I was so in love with a sad, pathetic woman like you? That the only reason you can break up with me is hurt me and lie about me so that you can escape in doing the honorable thing and break up with me like a real person who used to be in love with me. Yes, used to be in love with me, because I don't think you will hurt me this way if you really love me.

Time forgets. Hearts heal. Will those words ever apply to me? I really don't know. I don't think I will really forget, I don't think there will be a cure for this emptiness inside of me. I don't think there would any amount of filling can ever replace the ones that has been taken away from me. I am a human that has been decapitated of one of my limbs and there is nothing I can do about it, but move on, lived on as a half human than I used to be.

I had lived with a lie for the three years I have known you. And I will live on living with these lies that your friends believed that I am to be because of you.

Forgive you? Please don't ask me that. No amount of apologies can suffice the pain that you caused me. Even if you cried a bucket of tears and tell me you are in pain too, would ever make me feel better or ever make me tell you I forgive you. I'm sorry, I am human and I can't forgive.

For the first time in all my life, I run out of masks, for the time I said I can be strong, I cannot find the strength to put up my walls and protect myself again. For the first time, in all the calamities I have suffered, I cannot remake or reinvent myself. Why, bother? There would be another pathetic and heartless person who will come in my life and hurt me again.

I had been wounded far, far deeper than this. And I had survived, I had recovered. But this time, I don't think I can heal and recover. I don't I want to. I just want to stay this way. A human who is nothing but an empty shell.

I should have been careful before when I met you. I was blinded by your halo, so I never noticed your horns. I should have taken the hint when you said you are a little bad inside, you are nothing but a devil in disguise.

There is a vague knot inside of me, I want to get away and begin a new life where I don't know a soul and forget everything. But it still felt that my life is on hold. On hold for a very long time, since that day. I can still hear that dead silence on the other end, and that is all I hear. Nothing.

You were my life, the heart and soul of my entire being. I had taken it upon myself that I wouldn't survive if you ever leave me. I wish I can take back those words and live again. But it is like a spell, a mantra, it has a strong hold on my being. Like a person being hypnotized I am being manipulated against my will.

Time forgets. Maybe I am just this way because I am grieving, for the me that is inside of me that has just died. I will be okay. Time heals. I will not forget, but after a while it will get easier. I will not heal, but after a time, I would come to accept that a part of me I need to shed to move on.

I am a veteran of human calamities, a survivor of heart wars, not a better person but a person who can stand up again, and say, I will forget you. I had stopped loving you. I survive one lifetime without you, I will survive another one. If you were born to hurt me, I think there is someone out there who is born to heal me. I hope they come soon, I need some deep healing for my soul had been weak. I will be saved. I will be born again. I will be remade. I will be whole again. And this new life, new me. I will always curse the day I met you.
 

Sky Reed

Administrator
Staff member
Joined
Jan 1, 2019
Location
Under Your Bed
Locket
2084


I locked myself in this tiny prison, keeping all my emotions locked away, whispered only to my heart. I open my mouth and let out a silent scream. Darkness consumed me and devoured me. I tried to swim in this muck I called my life. Until you came along and pry open the lock, and set me free. I owe you my freedom, my second life, though I never did take my life, a part of me had died, and you resurrected me. Thank you, for everything, for me, the new me and the future me to come. Once I was locked up and now free again....
 
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