𝕊𝕜𝕪'𝕤 ℙ𝕒𝕝𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕣

[Sky Reed]

Things finally slowing down and getting into the routine. I would still need to do some cleaning since I just chuck all the stuff in the living room in our bedroom, soon there would be dialysis supplies delivery so the guy needed room to bring up the boxes hopefully he would really bring up the boxes with the virus escalating again in San Diego I hope he doesn’t need to leave them all downstairs for me to bring up.

I am very exhausted every day. Changing him on the bed is a mean task since we have a cramped space we cannot install a hospital bed on here after all where am I going to sleep if we do manage to get a hospital bed upstairs? The bed is low my back hurts changing him, turning him is a problem too since his cast is thick and heavy is as thick as his own thigh so yes, helping to the bathroom is out of the question, his cast might fall off then we would need to go the ER right away. And that is not an easy task bringing him up the stairs I have to hire EMTs to carry him up the stairs using a wheel chair and transferring him on the bed. And even if we have the stair lift installed, I would still need to hire medical transport to take him to the podiatrist and back home. Hopefully after 4 more weeks they would take his cast off.

Going up and down the stairs to throw out the trash, carrying those solution bags, feeding 2 sets of pets, cleaning their space, cooking and doing his dialysis machine is very exhausting, every other day I have to toss out trash bags I collect by the stairs. With a bum knee, tackling those stairs are hard. I am exhausted all the time. I cannot work, I had to quit since I doubt I would still be alive if I have to work and come home and do all of these everyday. Just too much. Plus I don’t want anything happening to him when I am not there.


So if I haven’t replied please forgive me I am trying to get into a routine but when you are physically exhausted inspiration is hard to come by but I am trying so please give me more time. Next week hopefully before the end of the month they are going to install the chair lift I would be the first one to use it lol

 

[Sky Reed]

I'm physically exhausted, I never thought I would experience something like this again, the last was when I have to move and I have to do everything by myself.

Hospital Bed​

This is the hospital bed I helped the guy assemble, we took parts by parts from his truck up the stairs, I have to help him even if he is supposedly do his job alone, the stairs are narrow with the chair lift he cannot bring it up by himself. I am already exhausted as it is had to move our bed to the bedroom to make room for this bed. The first one we brought up is new, it was so nice but it wouldn't snap together because it's not aligned, I already ask him, do you think the headboard and the footboard are going to fit the other bed you are replacing this one with? He brags yeah they are generic. So I told him, dude I cannot help you anymore I am so sorry, I am already wheezing as it is. I waited for him by the stairs he would still need help bringing it up, he said this is an older model it wouldn't raise the height with the remote because the remote is for the newer model, it would raise the head and the foot, but not the bed itself, you have to use the old crank I said it's fine. So I watched him attaching the cot to the footboard, it wouldn't reach and he said what I was expecting him to say he had to change the boards too, I wanted to beat him up with those things, that is why am asking you I can just hand it to you by the stairs so we wouldn't be coming up and down the stairs. To get this done I really went out, I already took off my mask I might pass out with that thing on and I am already wheezing.

So finally we got it done. He put that trapeze, yes, that is a contraption to help patients hoist themselves up the bed. Before it was all the way to the head, so I took a picture and send it to my partner, Baba, this thing at the headboard might hit you if you elevate your head, he didn't understand me. I was laughing so hard, I am physically felt like a bulldozer had run me over and came back to really flatten me again, that is how tired I felt. Because this is what he said it was quiet I was waiting for his reply, Hey, baba, how am I going to raise my stump up there? That is so high.

Gosh, I laughed so hard, even the rabbits look at me, Dad had gone crazy he finally snapped lol

So I calmed down for a bit, he was quiet, I said with a smile on my voice, Baby, you don't place anything on there it wouldn't even fit your foot let alone your stump no matter how you try. It is to hoist yourself up from the bed, but I don't know why they want to put that there when you already have a remote for the bed.

And he said, ohhhhh....Okay.

But yeah, I'm so sorry to all my partners this hospital bed has been a nightmare and I am laying on it now lol he won't come back until after his surgery on Monday.

I told him I would break it in for him hehehe

There were zip ties all over the parts so I had to get the pliers from the room, I told him to wait while I get it that is when he noticed the rabbits, he bent down and started petting Ollie, and Ollie didn't like it you can tell by the way he is petting him, rabbits are fluffy their fur is so soft but yeah, don't pet them like you are petting a cat, they don't like that. He keeps turning his head I am pretty sure he is going to get bitten if he doesn't stop it, so I told him, okay I think you should stop now, he might lose his hair if you pet him hard plus he might bite, the reason why I kept the door closed in the first place, don't want some stranger touching my baby.

When the man left I went back to Ollie, why didn't you bite him? You should have otherwise you are no longer Sir Ollie Poop A Lot but Sir Ollie Bald A Lot. hehehe

Sir Ollie Poop A Lot​

 

[Sky Reed]

You call this 74? It still is hot as hades. Earlier it was 109. I end up buying another blower fan. Because once my partner comes home he would be needing his own fan. I got a vornador, it circulates air but it still not enough when there is no air coming in from the big windows. I need to fix our room, he would be coming home soon and he would need space to practice "hopping" since he is not scheduled for a prosthetic yet so he would still be using a walker. I took my 3rd shower today. I just hope this is not going to be for the entire month. We cannot install AC in our unit despite of me wanting it so bad! We are only piggybacking from the landlord's house so yeah we only pay rent and we have no neighbors above us or below us set back is stairs and no AC. We do now have chair lift and getting another fan, hopefully that helps.

 

[Sky Reed]

http://imgur.com/a/cz1C6fu

He told to answer the doorbell downstairs I got a surprise some lady singing happy birthday and handing me this box from edible arrangements, I told him I want a poloroid camera so I can take pics of my rabbits while going the scenic route riding the stairlift with sticky pics of the bunnies as you come down the stairs lol.

Quiet birthday at home with cakes and simple meal. When you get a certain age you don't like parties and such. Its hard to breath in those things especially if you got asthma.

Yep that is my bed next to his hospital bed and his dialysis machine under the bed. Its an ottoman pullout bed I got a green mattress and its really comfortable

 

[Ideduce]

Pics of the new place if you're willing to share

 

[Sky Reed]

You guys saw my little ottoman bed lol yeah I barely fit in there but its fine.

http://imgur.com/a/zN4XcOv

This is our pantry and our little moving island yeah those are a box of shelves haven't gotten to putting up yet.

http://imgur.com/a/G7G0D2y

Our industrial floor lamp those bags are bandages and more bandages we are next to the laundry and I love our blinds we can open it up but still shaded for privacy.

At least we don't look like hoarders anymore since his dialysis boxes are outside

 

[Sky Reed]

Busy day, week, month. I even have to put up signs since people don't seems to know where their left is or what a white gate or door looks like either color blind, needs new glasses or just ignore it, or they drop their common sense on their way to our place. They even spook the landlord's daughter going through their back sliding door while we are on the phone with them walk right through their house without calling out or even listening on the phone you went too far unless they jump in the pool I wonder how they think we can squeeze or wheel a wheelchair or gurney through that narrow path and that is not even the front of the pool.

 

[Sky Reed]

The unemployment weekly thing turned to once in a awhile bi weekly thing measly 300 now, my partner's paycheck from 600 something is down to $60. Were still good I saved most of my first windfall of unemployment money. So were pretty good so far.

I bought an aerogarden going to grow our own veggies now for our rabbits. I would say its a good saving since it is not a lot of work just add water since it is going to grow on water.

http://imgur.com/a/obr9TAi

6 pods those little white hats are seed pods. Pretty convenient and we actually got excited can't wait to see it grow. Lol​

 

[Ideduce]

Oh, nice hope you don't mind me posting on here let me know if I should delete it!
Super cool that you got one of those! I'm curious how much those are and how they work actually <3 <3 <3
That's one way to save on rabbit remember if the going gets tough they are food rations just kidding
Man, that sucks it got lowered considering your situation. Is it possible to go to the city building and request for it to be changed back or a better plan? It's honestly not fair. Hope it gets better for you both hang in there!

 

[Sky Reed]

I don't mind you posting And hope you are well, my friend, don't work too hard.

We are still trying to get his long term disability going. But so far good news is his stump is healing, hopefully by next year they can mold his stump so they can fit a prosthetic with it. He is still not going to get much when long term disability kicks in, but hopefully it would be enough to keep us afloat until I can leave him at home longer. Once I can, I can probably finally go back to work.

The concept of this garden is planted in water, under that hat is water. Just think of those flowers in a vase, you also add food plant with the water, it has those buttons on the button that tells you when to add water when to add plant food. The light turns off routinely during the day.

I am actually getting another one it wouldn't be enough for two rabbits lol Since you can only cut so much until it grows more. So yeah, the other version is cheaper than this one. It supposed to look like this

​

 

[Sky Reed]

Very exhausting day, our landlord is being a pig-headed of not letting us post signs since we lived in the backyard and yet would not be bothered to deliver our packages to the back of the house. I even bought a wagon to grab heavy boxes from the front to wheel it all the way to our place. Imagine dragging a wagon full of parcel boxes from the front with hedges, a narrow driveway, then pathway, uneven entrance to the gate to the back, be careful wheeling it next to the pool, and hefting it up the stairs if it is too heavy for the chairlift. He is even pissed that he has to deliver our packages, but he is not so friendly as before 2 years ago. I guess people really show their true colors soon enough. I wondered why now that we are practically helpless since I have to do all the work. When we reported that the shower is broken again, he asked, what now? *rolls eyes* it is what it is. I can't really wait until we can move. I hope God will shine down on us and help us. My partner is getting better with his therapy. Soon. He would be walking again, and I can finally go back to work. That way we can really have enough money to move.

On a good note. Our aero gardens are really growing pretty well; soon, it will be paying for all the veggies we have to waste money on buying. I don't have a green thumb, but wow, this is so good. Saves us enough money now all we do grocery for is us, lol.

I would be replying soon. Just give me time, please. I am doing my best.

http://imgur.com/QmwaD6r

 

[Sky Reed]

I promise not to cut it again lol, it has gotten bigger now and replanted both of them so now these are all the veggies my rabbits eat

​

 

[Sky Reed]

Since I am not sure if the new old lady is going to like me or not I can consider myself partially still unemployed when I check my EDD to certify my next benefit it says everything ended Dec.31st. Federal legislation was signed to extend the PUA program. We are working to complete the necessary programming to make these new benefits available. So yeah, please help me pray that this old lady is going to like me. I do believe grannies likes me hopefully this one does otherwise we have to really figure out how else we are going to get groceries if I am not going to receive unemployment for a while. My partner telecommutes or work from home but his paychecks pays our rent, I supposed to take care of the groceries and the bills like phone and internet, storage etc. So am really praying so hard that this works out.

 

[Sky Reed]

It feels like I had been gone forever. Work has been okay, just completely exhausted. I am going to try to catch up as best as I could. Trying to balance my time, I work as a caregiver, and I come home as a caregiver for my partner. Please pardon my slowness.

 

[Sky Reed]

We're moving again, the new place we are going to get looks nice, has elevators it's a brand new community, so we will be on the 3rd floor at the far end of the building which is pretty quiet am sure. It will not be next to the swimming pool with kids screaming and noisy in the summertime. Ample space. I love it. Hopefully, we qualify. We are worried about our credit score because of the pandemic, and it sucks at the moment.

 

[Sky Reed]

I am pretty bummed. My partner and I are. We went through everything the contract and application with this girl, and we are so sure and confident that we will get it. We even tried to improve our credit score, and his son uses me and my perfect credit score to buy a car. I have a perfect 700 score, no debt, no car loan, no anything. He stopped paying. So it went so low, I told my partner I never experienced anything like this before. I have never seen my credit history like this before. So yeah, we tried to pay it off now since we come upon some money. But it is not going to show until probably next cycle. If that girl had told us that would be an issue, we could have waited instead of getting so excited about this and jumped the gun.

So yeah, pretty bummed. I was so looking forward to moving. So now I told him, let's wait until we get everything settled and try again. At least this time, we are going to be in good standing.

Last night I called 911. Some guy climbed over someone's brick hedges and rammed into it head-on. There were so many people, but the funny thing is so many people, onlookers mainly at 11 pm and no one bothered to call 911. lol, He was probably drunk and thought that he could make the turn but went all the way almost up someone's house and rammed it.

Now that we told our landlord we are moving, he gives us a more challenging time than usual. Oh, well, we have to put up with it, I guess, until we moved. And to think we have been ideal tenants of his for three years we are always advance on our rent. And quiet, no parties, no anything. But I guess our heavy dialysis boxes are his pet peeve since I cannot load them up the stairs. He doesn't like it downstairs even though we are at the back of the house. It would be pointless to load them up when we move. We are going to take it down again. Well, hopefully, our credit score improves soon; I cannot stand him anymore. It is time to move. We have overstayed our welcome, I guess.

 

[Sky Reed]

I wish all places are like this one. We got a call from another site, Entrada, for downtown. The manager was understanding and pleasant. We got emotional support rabbits; we ask first since my partner had an amputation, we already gave up our dogs since we cannot take care of them well I cannot handle two dogs, two rabbits, my partner, and his machine, and boxes all at the same time. Stressed and exhausted so I don't need an arrogant agent from the leasing office. Rabbits are considered exotic animals most places won't allow them. We lived in a loft above someone's garage so our landlord is okay with them, it not a fave place right but it's okay. Just tight and small.

So going to go down and check the place out. Hopefully, hopefully, fingers crossed we get this one. This is my first choice, has elevators and a gym for his therapy and it is downtown. Next to Gaslamp We are in San Diego. Don't want to move somewhere else this is our favorite place, all our first is here.

 

[Sky Reed]

He is finally home. It is hard to make anyone stay positive if you are losing body parts. This time he is losing a finger. One of his nails came off by accident, and it started bleeding. So a few weeks later, we have no choice but to get him to get picked by an ambulance to get him to the ER. They kept him for a couple of days, and it was then we found there is no more circulation on that finger. So hopefully, they take off the tip and not the entire finger. Last September, he lost one of his legs and now a finger. So I try to make him feel a little positive, you are here, still good and not sick, you might have lost your leg and soon your finger but honey, be positive for someone with stage five kidney failure, have diabetes, and all of that, you are still here, and I am here trying my best to support you and take care of you. So at least he makes a joke about it, that he cannot give a finger anymore since it is his middle finger he is losing.

The good news is we got an apartment, it might take a while for us to move but at least enough time for us to save enough money to get stuff ready, and I told him at least we won't rush to get things packed and ready to move. We won't move until June. And we are going back to our first apartment complex, I love that place, but since we are moving back to the first floor again, hopefully, the people upstairs are not going to be a nuisance. I got myself a noise-canceling headset and eye mask with earbuds attached to it to sync the tv for music or my laptop. So hopefully, that would be okay. I love Camden. Ample space and very clean. They always clean up and paint over the unit when vacated, so when you move, it is like it is brand new again since they will replace everything. I know this because I have seen maintenance guys makeover vacant units replacing everything, even the appliances, so you will always feel like the unit you are using you are the first tenant. It is a bit pricey, but hey, it is better than the one downtown I saw, it is smaller, dirty and old. So yeah, I wouldn't mind going pricier, but at least we already know the staff, and we know how they run. So yeah, less one thing to worry about now.

It is hard to write, mostly smut. So please forgive me if I am slower. I am trying my best to write something good and not give you just a reply for the sake of replying. It is hard to balance working with elderlies and then to come home working as a caregiver still for your partner. No rest, so everything is tired; the brain is also tired. So I am trying; I will write as fast as I can.

 

[Sky Reed]

Things had been tough. My daughter called from the Philippines to let me know that my dad had Covid. It was because he goes on dialysis at the hospital three times a week, I guess. My mom cannot do the same thing like I do prepare the machine for him and all of that. Plus, yeah, they prefer to go to the hospital for it even before all of this happened. He probably got it because they stay there with people who probably not caring if they are positive and do not care that they are with elderly and more vulnerable people.

My dad is pretty strong for his age, and I know he would get through this. But I feel so helpless right now. I cannot go not only because of funds, but yeah, I cannot leave my partner, who is also not only doing dialysis every day, but he is recently an amputee, both losing a leg and now the tip of his finger. My mom told us not to come, my brothers and I, since yeah, we cannot see him anyway. I feel bad for my mom having to go through this alone. My daughter called me crying. After all, she is hiding that she was crying from my mom because she wanted to stay strong for her knowing that my mom would also start crying if she started crying.
We keep in touch with him. We cannot call him; he cannot talk much now, but we can text him and text back. He is only limited to a few hours a day to have his phone.

I am so sorry. I know a lot of people are waiting for me right now. I apologize. I am just a little out of it right now. I do need the distraction. But I will try to write as much as possible, but I don't want to promise anything.

 

[Sky Reed]

I knew this is coming. He will not live forever even if I kidnap him and hide him from time and the grim reaper, and I cannot guard and keep him out of sight forever. If I have all the power in the world, magic, and stuff, I will do everything I can to wiped his existence from the world to keep him all to myself. That is how far I would go to keep my dad with me. My hero, my everything. It took a while for us to get to talking again after I came out. It was only my mom who gets to meet my partner.

And it was only recently he added me as his family on his social media, that means so much to me; in my head, I have the band fanfare complete with the orchestra and marching band, that despite coming out to your very conservative parents, and that one person who trusts you with everything to carry the bloodline and family legacy being the eldest, I guess I lost tons of points. And here you are come out and probably now a disgrace and probably in their eyes.

I thought I still have years to make up for all the silent years between us, not only the time difference but a country away. When he was diagnosed with Covid, I knew then he was living in borrowed times. But it was only a day. I didn't call. Because the last thing my dad said he is just waiting to be moved to a private room to ride out his quarantine, that he is breathing easier; despite the other complications like water in his lungs and heart problems, he was a strong man. The last message we had with each other was, I love you. I will see you soon.

I told my partner, maybe I am still dreaming; you better slap or punch me awake now. I'm not too fond of this dream. I didn't cry the first time, and maybe I was still in denial. But when my daughter said they have my dad with them, he was cremated right away, so they can take him home right away. That is when I collapse to the floor and started bawling like when I was a baby and calling out to him. It was so unfair. I said. But I have to be the strong one. My mom needs me. But it still hurts when we are on video chat, and she would say I love you, or call out my other brothers' names but not call mine, so it still is hard for her to talk to me though I never mention my partner or my situation at all. But it's alright, and it is what it is. My dad never gets to meet my partner. Or get to see and meet his great-grandsons. My other brother tried to fly back home. But the whole country is on lockdown.

My mom wanted to cremate him because she couldn't bear to see him if he is in his casket; she might end up following him right then and there. Us too, I don't think we want to see how he looks like when the nurses found him on the bathroom floor, already blue; he didn't make any sound; the caregiver outside his bathroom was wondering why he was taking so long in there. Ten minutes passed, no sound, no falling or calling out. His heart finally caught on that he had been cheating on it. This was probably his 3rd heart attack, and this is his kryptonite, this time, coupled with the covid, it likely sped up the process.

He was on dialysis, but my dad goes to the clinic to have his dialysis three times a week, unlike my partner. He probably caught it because hospitals are full of arrogant people not wearing a mask with elderlies and people who are weaker going there. My mom got upset with him when he said he removed his face shield and masked when he changed into his hospital gown, but I am pretty sure his shortness of breath is the indication he already had the virus on his probably 2nd or 3rd visit for his dialysis.

At least my dad is finally home. When we move, I can eventually come home and see him. Right now, I don't want to risk going out, and there is a 3rd new variant that would automatically kill you. And my partner is fragile; I don't want to catch something and pass it on to him.

I am slowly accepting it. But give me some time. I still get teary-eyed every time my phone beeps, and I get messages from family and friends. But I will try to start replying to people as soon as I can.

Be careful out there. Remember, the vaccine is not your sure-fire shield, you will still get covid, and if you had it before, it doesn't mean you are immune to it; once you get it again, this time you will die. Remember that.